Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
