After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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