Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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