Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
