I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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