I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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