Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
