he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
