glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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