What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
