I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
