i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
