why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
