I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
operation harelip BJ is a go
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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