Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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