i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
