In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
