So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what day is it and did you see me today?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
