so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
