I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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