perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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