im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
