exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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