before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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