Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
