So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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