If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
