your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
