Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
