I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
