guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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