Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
