You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
