For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
