I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
