my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
