Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
