you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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