ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
