well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
