Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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