Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
