I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize