She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Come see our sink grown plant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize