Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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