My first STD was from a foam party
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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