Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
