In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize