how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
