ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
