Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
