Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
