we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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