I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
