I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
