True but thats because hes a fetus.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
