I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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