she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
