I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
