i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
