you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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