Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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