dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
