You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
