you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
