Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Come on in and take your pants off
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