dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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