You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
