even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
