Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
