youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
